JungleChurch

Money Monkey

2012-01-26T06:29:00.000-08:00

Money. You know, by merely adding a "k", you can spell "monkey". Sometimes I feel like a monkey in pursuit of money. I wish it wasn't so necessary, but it is. Rebekah and I left the house this morning heading to the bus stop. On a day when we all would have preferred to stay in bed, thousands of people where on the interstate heading out to make money...or to school to prepare themselves for a life of making money. So on our way, Rebekah says, "We learned about giving last night at youth, it was good. The youth collected over 80 bucks to give the church." "That's awesome!", I replied. And the door was opened for a brief conversation about how we as a family give monthly to the church (thanks Matt). After my amazing presentation of the responsibility of Christ-followers to give, Rebekah casually adds in "Oh, I'm going to need some more money...I gave the rest of my lunch money last night." UHHHhh....so much for the giving presentation...she gave away what she didn't earn or own! Teenagers!

On the way home it hit me...that's what we Christ-followers do...WE GIVE AWAY WHAT WE HAVEN'T EARNED! We believe that this life, the health we enjoy, the ability to work, the aptitude to think, the jobs we have (or will have), the material junk, the savings and IRA's...it's all a gift from God! In fact, we believe all this "earth is the Lords", He's just loaned us parts of it for a while. When we give (tithe, offering, donation, whatever) we really are giving away that which He owns and we've been loaned...unless you are still hung up in that mindset that somehow "I am to one to blame for all the good in my life". Yes, I must still work like a monkey for money, but it's a privilege and gift to do so. Therefore, I dismount my early morning high-horse and I come to a humble place of prayer; "God I'm going to need some more money...I gave away a bunch of it recently." or "God give me the right perspective so that I'm not clinging desperately to that which I don't honestly own". I really hate being taught by my teenager. It seems the path to spiritual growth is filled with such humiliating lessons.

Restart

2012-01-22T05:06:00.000-08:00

Wow...it's been a while since my last entry. There is no way to summarize the drama that has taken place over those years so I'm not going to try....well, I'll try: it's possible that either God has had me in the furnace for some "dross" removal OR He's trying to tell me to get out of ministry and get a real job. While I hate the heat, I think I'll stay in the ministry...I mean, who wants a "real job", right?

For those who understand the unique burden of a pastor, you get the humor. For those who are scratching their heads, hang in there.

2012 marks the 10 year anniversary of the InnerChange...the church I was called to plant. It has been the best time of my life. Sprinkled in those years are days/weeks/months of pain and brokenness. I have come to understand the unique burden of Moses...feeling unworthy and unequipped to lead, feeling the exhilaration of watching God work, feeling the frustration of not hearing and/or obeying God clearly, and the feeling the exasperation of listening to people whine. When you lead people out of bondage...especially religious people...they eventually prefer the stability/predictability of "how it used to be" as opposed to "wandering in the wilderness". BUT, along the journey a new generation of followers begins to appear. They are difficult to describe but they are a joy to work with. They understand the path is only visible in short segments. They accept the dangers and risks of the journey. They are willing to try some crazy things...and laugh about the things that fail. They are more interested in hearing the voice of Jesus than hearing mine. They are people who are broken and messed up, but honest about it. They can see the "beautiful things" God has made out of the dust. What a group!

I don't think I have another 30 years of leading left in me (Moses led his bunch for 40 I think) but I do feel that I've found my leadership "shoes" again. I take them off occasionally because they are heavy and from time to time I misplace them. I realize I haven't worn them in a while...but they still fit...and they feel lighter than they used to. And with me, I have a group of people who are anxious to "break camp" and move on. I have two huge dogs; Magmadar and Stonewall. Everyday, they beg me to let them out of the back yard so they can run, romp, play, explore, swim, and mark their territory (which is everywhere we go). I love walking them, and they need my protection and guidance, but it's work keeping up with them. Not to compare anyone to my dogs, but the InnerChange has become a group of people who are ready to be "set free" to run, romp, play, explore, swim, and mark some territory for Christ. They are work to keep up with, but to leave them "penned" up only quenches the Spirit.
So, I know you're ready...listen up because we're heading out!

Black Church

2008-02-29T04:05:00.000-08:00

Josh B and myself went to a black church last Friday, the 22nd. Josh is the only white boy I know who has openly revealed that he has a similar passion--black gospel music. I don't know where this comes from because my family never listened to black gospel. I have a scattered theology. I have recognized, and embraced, that people different from me still worship God with passion. I don't have some secret knowledge on the "right" way to do it.

We were welcomed into this congregation like we belonged there. I don't think we quenched the Spirit a bit. For the next 3.5 hours we observed and participated in something that is very different and very real. Music in the black church is just more passionate. They know how to sing, harmonize, and keep a beat. They sing from their gut. They sing from their pain and joy. There was a spirit of "If I feel a song in my heart I can sing it..." and the musicians (piano, organ, bass, guitar, drums) would pick up and play along. Amazing. Real. And they danced. From the youngest to the oldest, they danced. There seemed to be an understanding that the human was made to worship God with the body, expressive and joyful. There's nothing like seeing a row of 5-8year old girls dancing and praising. There was even one girl who danced so hard, she flipped her "weave" out of her hair...Josh almost caught it.

We felt compelled to share out loud what God has done. They intentionally give thanks, again from the youngest to the oldest. There seems to be an understanding that it is a good thing to share openly what God has done for you. And if you don't have anything specific to share, there are always the basics;

God's been good to me

He's been better to me than I've been to myself

He woke me up this morning

He put clothes on my back

He put food on my table

A roof over my head

He made a way for me when there was no other way

Praise the Lord. Hallelujah!

It was awesome.

At our church, we have some of the best music on the planet. Jesse and the crew crank out song after song of heartfelt, passionate, hard-driving rhythms that move my soul. I am compelled to lift my hands, stand on my feet, and occasionally dance (oh, shut up). Does anyone else feel this?

So what is it? How can humans who worship the same God do it so differently? Is there something about holding back that is killing us? I hate whipping up any emotion or expression. I also hate quenching the spirit. I don't want to freak "seekers" out, but I don't want hold back. What's a white boy to do?

Why strippers are so appealing

2008-02-16T15:31:00.000-08:00

So for almost an hour I sat and talked with a stripper, asking her questions about her, the industry, and God. I won't recount an hours worth of conversation, but there were several things she said that really made me think. Honestly, I thought she may be a little "dingy", because stripping wasn't the best career pick for a young lady...right? Well, it depends. If you need money, 1500-2k a night ain't bad money for a teenager. She said there were 3 things that attract girls to get into stripping: money, attention, the party atmosphere. For her, it was the attention. (So I'm thinking, fathers be good to your daughters...(John Mayer), give them all your money, and throw a party on her behalf from time to time...keep in mind I have an 11y.o. blonde who loves to dance!)

I thought she may have a dim view of church and religious people but she told a story of a group of nuns who come down to the strip club and bring the girls home-baked cookies, Christmas presents, and just talk to them. She said the nuns don't condemn the dancers, but they do tell them there is "another way". Wow, go Catholic nuns! I was blown away. No, I was convicted. She said she could never be herself in a church because "you know how people are"...stripping is one of those BIG sins, way up the scale, super evil. Most people are judgemental, despite their own junk.

I asked her what she saw when she danced, when she looked into the eyes of the men gathered around her. She told me that sex is powerful, that sex sells, and that the art of seduction is how "we do what we do". She explained how she could pick a man out of the crowd, one with money, and seduce him...to get him to the table and to lay his money down. She said, "it's not glorifying, but it works." As I listened to her talk, she explained how she could make herself so appealing to a complete stranger and yet not care for anything but his money. Lust...on both sides.

I asked her if she would recommend stripping for other girls in need of a job. She replied with a grin, "Thats a good question." She went on to explain that the "lifestyle" that goes along with stripping can be a flood of partying, drugs, abuse, and prostitution and if a girl gets caught up in that, she won't last. "Finding a boyfriend at the club is NONO#1". She said if a girl is strong enough to overcome the temptations of the lifestyle, then it was ok...but most girls are not.

I asked her what she thought about God, and how he sees her. She quickly responded, "I've got a lot of junk in my life, a lot of things I need to change. But I make mistakes, and I learn my lessons. God is working on me and I've got a ways to go. I can't judge anyone else." Hmmm, I think she understands.

One thing I haven't mentioned is that this young lady has a husband and a precious 16mo. old baby boy who I met in the floor of Rebound. He was too cute, a gift from God. I asked her, in 16 years, how did she hope her son treated women. Her demeanor changed. She paused and her gaze became almost distant...and she said, "I want him to respect women, to love a woman for who she is and not what he wants them to be. I want him to treat a woman like a queen, chivalry isn't dead." It was then that I realized, she is a queen. Perhaps twisted, tainted, marred by needs unmet in her childhood...but like most little girls she wants to be the princess. And I believe, in God's eyes, she is.

I think I am a bit closer to understanding what Jesus meant in Matthew 21:28-32. Many of us say the right things, hoping our outward appearance might please God and get him off our backs. Then there are those who say the wrong things and appear totally rebellious, but there is something in them that truly desires to please the heart of God. Jesus, please help me change.

So this preacher runs into two strippers...

2008-02-15T09:43:00.000-08:00

I know it sounds like a joke...but it's true. Very recently I was up at Judy Gazdag's place (Rebound Rehab) doing some excercises for my afflicted, arthritic knees when I overheard a conversation...NO I WASNT EAVESDROPPING...they were just loud. This young lady was talking about working at a strip club for 4years. OK, I'm listening. I'm also praying, "God are you doing this on purpose or am I just being stupid?" I started thinking, "what would it be like to get a stippers' perspective on God and Sex?

I was up at the counter asking Judy if it would be inappropriate to ask her some questions about being a stripper when Judy just leans over and says out loud, "Hey, this is my preacher. Would you mind if he asks you some questions about being a stripper?" Ug. No longer working undercover. The girl walks up with her sister and I learn that they have both worked in the industry! They were comfortable answering any questions I had...but I was totally awkward and couldn't think of anything of value to ask. I asked them if we could talk another day, they said yes. So, I'm about to leave to go talk with them both...YES, back at Rebound in a public setting.

There is this Jesus thing in me that wants to let people know that He died for them. But I want to say it in a way that they don't feel condemned for who they are. Yes, sin has destroyed the union with God and it must be eliminated, but I want people to see that God created them in His image...like Him, by Him, with love and care, and then died for them to overcome the penalty of sin. I want people to see a compassionate God who has a life beyond measure waiting if we will work with him, if we will seek it. Jesus just walked around preaching, teaching, healing, doing miracles, pissing religious people off. His best ministry was with those that were on the fringe. Oh God I want to have the guts to do that. What is keeping me from the fringe? How about you? Are all people worth dying for?

Tues, Feb 12, 7th day of Lent...Hungry

2008-02-12T05:54:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the break...weekends are the only time I really work. :)

So how's it going? 1week in and I'm sure hungry. I'm not doing an absolute, no food fast this time. I opted for what I've heard some call a "Daniel" fast (Dan. 1). Veggies/fruit...coffee=water. It's funny how things that you take for granted become luxuries once you can't have them. Last night, I had a break down. After sitting with my family and snacking on a few of the items everyone was eating I got ready for bed. Andrew came in a little late and so we left food out for him. He made a crucial mistake...he left the Kraft mac and cheese on the stove. It was cold, but it was delicious.

How often I take simple things for granted. How often I look at things from a "spoiled" perspective. Acts 10 describes a great story of Peter dealing with some inner demons--prejudice. As a Jew, it was socially unacceptable to 'hang' with certain folk. Even though Jesus had shown them that it was cool, and that they would need to share the message to folks like this, they had deep roots in their culture and the old laws reared their heads from time to time. Peter had a vision right before lunch. God sends down a menu of 'unclean' animals and tells him to eat. Pete self-righteously says "No thanks, God. I'm a good man, always have been...I don't eat that junk." God tells him 3 times to eat and he finally figures out, this ain't about food.

We divide ourselves and we judge people. We observe people and either add value or debase them. We steer clear of some and run to others. Sub-cultures of people, tribes, abound around us.

God, I wish I was as hungry to reach people as I was for Kraft mac/cheese. I wish I/we would get convicted about who exclude, intentionally or not. Jesus, please...would you go over that again with us?

Day2 Penance?

2008-02-07T04:19:00.000-08:00

We don't do the "penance" thing, but in my reading I've found that many view lent and fasting as a "afflictive penance". In other words, forced habits that bring about repentance. IMO, we cannot force repentance. We must be convicted by the Holy Spirit and then discover true sorrow over our crap that separates us from God. Penance has always seemed (to me) to be a way of "paying" for sin, like punishing yourself.

I don't know about you, but I find myself having to 'force the spiritual' many times. In fact, it has become something I say to other disciples when we discuss faith and walking with Christ...there's just some things you have to force. Something in me don't wanna!

I haven't chosen Romans on purpose, but I've found myself there the past few days. As Paul greets the church and opens his letter, he says this; "Through him and for his name's sake, we received grace and apostleship to call people from among all the gentiles to the obedience that comes from fath. 1:5"

"Obedience--behavior intended to please a parent; dutiful or submissive behavior; being willing to obey."

Is obedience the same as forcing the spiritual? Is obedience evidence of true repentance?

Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent

2008-02-06T03:04:00.000-08:00

40 days from now we will celebrate Easter. Most of us know little about Lent and I would venture to say the vast majority of us don't consider it a tradition. I hate to sound too much like an Alabama redneck...but I didn't put Lent and Mardi Gras together until just a few years ago. Yep, it seems that Mardi Gras evolved as a 3day (or more) feast/festival/"just get down and raunchy" party because the next 40 days were gonna suck. ( I've never been to Mardi Gras. I do remember people who came back with beads and crazy stories of women who would show their...well...top halves for beads. Sorry, it's all I could remember.) Catholics (which all our modern denominations sprouted from) would then confess all their sins committed over the year and dig deep for the next 40 days, recounting the temptations and sufferings of Jesus Christ. The 40days-Lent-would begin with Ash Wednesday (today). Christians would go to the priest, and as a sybol of their confession and repentance of sin, they would have ashes put on their head. I've been to a service like this and had a cross of ashes smeared onto my forehead. It was kinda wierd, and I wanted to wash my face before going into public, but the idea was to walk out publically displaying who I was...a sinner who had taken the first step toward change. How awkward.

Funny story; a preacher buddy of mine did one of these services and just used ashes out of his fireplace. After the service, many people complained of burning and itching and serious skin irritation where the ashes were, some lasting for days. To his dismay, he had been burning wood that had poison ivy vines on the bark. Silly preachers...

I woke early this morning, checking the weather. A portion of Romans 2:4 was floating in my mind, "...God's kindness leads you toward repentance...". What a nice phrase, makes for a good song. But I went back and read all of chapter 2 in Romans (go read it). Paul is slamming the self-righteous, judgmental jews for being high and mighty and putting down the "really bad sinners". I am convicted by his words, because I still put sin on a scale and I weigh people...everyone but myself. Paul quotes Isaiah in verse 24, "God's name is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you." How heavy a phrase. Could it be that because of my unloving, ungraceful life that there are people who turn away from God? Am I responsible? Do I move among my culture as a "repentant one" or does my face glow with self-righteousness?

Jesus, I own up to who I am. The ash of my sin caused your death. My refusal to be transformed into your image has tarnished your reputation. Forgive me.

Lent (not the stuff in your bellybutton)

2008-02-03T04:50:00.000-08:00

This Wednesday starts Lent. Some of you know of what I speak, some do not. Well, you've seen the crosses, the purple sashes, maybe you've even seen someone with a cross smeared on their forehead. Followers of Christ have developed some traditons over the past 2k years; some good, some not so good. Though I'm not a fan of meaningless tradition, I think forcing yourself to do something spiritual is sometimes good.

Starting Wednesday, I will post a daily thought in relation to Lent. I invite you to journey with me and see what God might do in your life.

Many Christ-followers have 'fasted' during these 40 days. Fasting is choosing not to do something and trade it for prayer/relating to God. Food, TV, MySpace...if you're up to it, pray and ask Him to show you what to fast from. I'm almost sure He will reveal something to you.

We'll start the discussion with a question: what has been your experiences with Lent?

Disciple Stew

2008-02-02T07:17:00.000-08:00

I'd like your feedback here. In your opinion, what makes a disciple? What are the ingredients? I know it's not just a recipie, but there seems to be such a broad understanding out there. What do you think?

Moving on

2008-01-31T09:51:00.001-08:00

Yep, there comes a time to get up and move on. I've talked so much about following Jesus being a "jungle path"...narrow, dangerous, unclear, everchanging, demanding...it bothers me that I discover myself camped out near the path. Grief slowed me down; fellow followers I can no longer interact with, lean on. I've taken a year, 07, and wallowed in it. The problem; when I quit leading hard, duties and expectations (of others, not of God) overwhelm and mire me, causing me to become a manager...not a leader. Managment sucks...and it ain't my forte'.

I know this...and yet the temptation of stability and predictablity are hard to resist. For me, they are lifeless...and I gotta move on.

I, as the planter of the InnerChange, have been called into a jungle...a jungle that has grown up around what we call "the chuch". Over the past 50 years or so, we've turned the body of Christ into something unChrist-like. Instead of a wandering Jew on a mission from God to die for humanity, we've created an industry bent on self-preservation and elevation. Things have changed and church has too. Weird how this works with us...until we die, we don't live.

"Making disciples" is a huge mystery to me now. It used to be "get 'em saved and plugged into Sunday school/youth/mens or ladies group...=disciple". But people are different and Jesus approached them differently. Some he demanded everything and some he just touched and moved on. It appears there were times he got his feelings hurt, pissed off, disillusioned, etc...but it didn't stop him. He could see the path. He could see the ones who really wanted to be "well" and those who were convinced they already were. I have a hard time being like Jesus, and the enemy reminds me of it often.

Enough. Bags packed, tent down, fire pissed on. It's a jungle out there. There are natives who don't know and who no longer understand the language of the church. I gotta go.